Photo credit: Yan Palmer

Erica is an amazing photographer now living in Shanghai with her two beautiful children and chef husband.

1. Well, could you tell us a little about yourself?

I’m a photographer, a nomad, a mother, a wife. I’m originally from Canada, but life has taken me around the world, through Asian megalopolises and sleepy ski towns. I love airports and train stations, tropical morning light, and a neon city at night.

I have two kids, a six-year-old daughter born in Japan, and a two-year-old  son born in Indonesia, and I’m expecting a third baby in a few months. If all goes to plan, this little one will be born in China.   

2. How did you meet chef?

After I graduated from university with a degree History and no idea what to do with my life, I moved to the Canadian Rocky Mountains to snowboard for a year and figure out my future. A few weeks later I met my husband, so I guess my plan worked? ;)

3. The relocations, dropping your work/commitments on chef’s schedules and demands – is that frustrating? How do you magically make it all work with children in tow?

Okay, first of all. I toooootally don’t magically make it work. Like, let’s talk about the fact that there have been times, especially early into a new posting, when I’ve been crying down the phone to my husband while he’s at work, demanding that he drop everything and come home and wrangle the children because I just can’t with the boxes and the chaos and the stove that won’t work.

However, The relocations get easier with experience. Early on, I did find it really difficult. After giving up a rewarding job, a city I loved, an amazing group of friends, a sense of purpose, and a great lifestyle, I found myself newly pregnant with no job prospects in a small, lonely town in Japan.

My husband worked Japanese hours (aka basically always) and I was totally isolated, with a major identity crisis, an acute case of culture shock, and a pretty bad attitude about it all. Needless to say, I was pretty miserable and not thhhhaaaat into the idea of this chef wife lifestyle. But, it got easier.

We moved again to Jakarta, a city that’s notoriously tough to love, but a city that provided me with community, purpose, and belonging. And after three lonely years, I appreciated that community so much. I was determined not to live in negativity for another three years. So, I made an effort to fall in love with the city, and to fall in love with my life. And I did. That experience taught me a great lesson on perspective and gratitude.

We’ve just gone through another move, this time back to China. Although I was heartbroken to leave Jakarta, I carried that attitude of determined gratefulness with me. And I try to pass it on to my kids, acknowledging the things we miss, the hard bits about moving, the melancholy and sadness. But also revealing in the positive changes our new life brings. (Sidewalks! Outdoor playgrounds! A functioning transport system! Pork product!!)

On a practical level, I keep expectations really low during a transition period. Like, if my kids eat nothing but french fries and ice cream for six weeks while we move, I’m okay with that. I know my kids’ behaviour will tank during the transition period, and I try as hard as I can to accept that too (though see above re. my own personal temper tantrums). I also make a commitment not to work during the transition period, so I can focus entirely on my family.

4.  Did marrying chef change your career goals/ direction in life? 

Considering I had noooooo idea what to do with my life before I met my husband, I was probably a good candidate for this type of life. I like surprises, change, chaos, and challenge. A typical suburban North American life has no appeal to me, really.

I expect to change and reinvent myself, personally and professionally with each transition, so, mostly I see this as a positive.

5. Best thing about being married to a chef?

I’ve learned how to properly salt pasta water? I can instantly taste the difference between grain-fed and grass-fed beef? Super delicious home made bread? Or maybe it’s the time we got to stay for a week in a presidential suite of a five star hotel for free?

I dunno. I think, really, the best thing is this opportunity to be able to live life intentionally, travel, see the world, understand it a little deeper, and realise just how lucky we are to have the life that we do.

6. Pet peeve about being a chef wife? (apart from dealing with the repetitive “oh you must be so lucky with professional gourmet meals daily!” haha)

For me, it’s got to be how my husband and I can hardly go to a restaurant without dissecting the whole experience, and hearing how much better it would be if my husband ran the show. Haha. Chefs are suuuuuch egoists! 

7. Work, life and chef schedule balance – how do you manage it all?

I’m super privileged in that we live in a place where I have access to affordable domestic help. That makes things infinitely easier for me. Normally I try to work most mornings while our helper watches the kids, and then I get to hang out with my kids in the afternoon. We can’t do family dinners, obviously, but we’re all at home in the mornings, so we do family breakfasts instead.

We go to the hotel once a week to eat dinner together while my husband is at work, which is a big treat for my kids. And as much as we can, we keep weekends for our family, although this isn’t always possible given the demands of my husband’s job (and, actually mine too!)

8. I suppose photography work gives you much more flexible hours (like my marketing consultancy) that can work with chef’s schedule. Did you stumble into it post chef marriage or has that always been your life calling?

My job totally does give me flexibility. I can more-or-less make my own schedule, and pick and choose projects that I want to take on. I did stumble into photography after marriage, after several years ambling through the professional world, trying on different jobs, seeing what fit. And actually, this is one of the great privileges of my life.

I was given the time and the resources to find a career I love, one which brings me artistic and creative fulfilment, while at the same time allowing me to spend time together with my kids. If we lived in North America and I had to work a typical office job, I wouldn’t get to spend nearly as much time with my family. 

9. Raising children as a chef wife – any tips?

It’s totally doable! If you modify your expectations. Your partner will realistically not be around to help with bedtime, and you’ll have to count on weekends at work, and missed holidays and all that stuff. However, I think it’s helpful to get really clear about issues that are non-negotable for your family. In my case, I insist that my husband not work on Christmas day. No matter what. And other smaller things like, when we eat a meal together, phones be off. Over time we’ve hammered out an agreement about how to handle other sticking points like public holidays,  “smoked salmon emergencies”, and other demands of his job.

Since I always do bedtime, I ask that my husband get up with the kids and manage the morning routine (this is going to be even more critical as the third baby comes along!) And I’m pretty insistent that he find occasions when work isn’t too busy so that he can come home a bit earlier. Basically, you’ve really got to be clear and firm about what is important to you, and set limits and boundaries for your family.

You can follow Erica’s adventures on her blog and gorgeous snaps in real time on her Instagram/Facebook

The post Married to a chef: Q&A with Erica Knecht of That Wild Road appeared first on Chicken Scrawlings : Food |Fun | Life in Macau.

I haven’t been so glued to a book like The Mysterious Benedict Society since I can’t remember! Reviews compare Trenton Lee Stewart’s book to Harry Potter books and Charlie and the chocolate factory.

It’s got this wild and mad childlike wonder and brilliance, and an exciting plot that runs along quickly. All the characters are well developed and strong. The madness makes one laugh out loud at times and other times, empathetic towards the children’s mission and (mis)adventures.

It’s also got these adult themes that we don’t think about much in life – that absolute need for control and the subversive messaging that come through our environment.

I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s great! Definitely add it to your reading list.

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I love India, one of my first experiences with the craziness was landing in Delhi airport from Beijing six years ago and going home with someone else’s suitcase! More on those posts.

A good friend of mine, Miss Anabeem made Delhi her home for a couple of years, you can read her delightful blog on Delhi , I wished she still lived there because those stories are pure gold.

This book was hilarious and reminded me of all the in and outs of life in Delhi for a foreigner. There are references I get as living in China pre-olympics was a fairly new system and game to navigate for me, but thankfully with a language barrier.

I think India expats have it way more colourful in every sense of the word. And the poetic chaos that is India, something I love and think I could possibly imagine a life in India. Not my husband though.

This book is heartfelt and hilarious as Dave and his wife navigate their new life where nothing is what they’d expect, the heat, the way of life, the way or business and work etc. Definitely a piece of travel literature if you’re travelling around India!

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I think I first discovered Douglas Coupland’s books in university when I was borrowing books from the National Library in Singapore really often. I’ve read quite a few of them and revisited his books when I was living in Beijing and craving for English fiction.

His writing style is simple and fluid and the narratives always go somewhere. Best kind of travel read for commutes. Worst Person Ever aims to adapt the style of “bi ji” 笔记 which means notebook without any links or implications to story/fiction writing.

I unfortunately didn’t enjoy this book as much as I did before, I think it could also be the time and space I’m in where I found the protagonist self indulgent and tire’s a lot of pop culture references, mid life crisis sort of unhappiness and dilemma with a plot propelled along by random events.

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This would have made a great film for the food and culture anthropology class I teach at the hospitality school IFT Macao.

Chef Peng, the guy who invented the dish passed away earlier this month, and the documentary digs deep with historians and food writers like Fuchsia Dunlop and Jennifer Lee (who wrote another great book “The Fortune Cookies Chronicles” chiming in on research, history and facts.

For a long time, I thought General Tso was a fictitious character, so it was nice to see how the man was revered in Hunan province and how Chinese food and General Tso’s chicken (tasting nothing like Hunan cuisine) evolved as an identity and signature dish in Chinese restaurants abroad.

Would highly recommend the film, it’s on netflix. :)

If you’re looking for recipes, Pinterest has a ton of really good ones.

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I teach an anthropology course to final year students at IFT the hospitality school in Macao and this book is a real gem full of anecdotal stories, more so than hard history facts which gives leeway for making your own conclusions to certain things.

Ian Croftan’s Curious History of Food & Drink is a really fun read – everything from the French word restaurant derived from the latin word for restore since the 15th century.

Or ever wondered where the word foie for liver in French originated from? Well the book tells the anecdotal tale of Apicius a gourmet who discovered over feeding geese to enlarge their livers (a practice known in Egypt as early as 2300BC). He employed the same method with pigs, cramming them with dried figs until they were fat enough. The French word “foie” is derived from the latin word for figs – ficatum.

It’s a light read with lots of short, interesting nuggets. Definitely recommend it if you’re interested in little food and drink trivia.

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I really enjoyed his first book Search Inside Yourself and couldn’t wait to read Joy on Demand after reading the reviews.

I found his second book a little less accessible than the first, there’s a lot of mastery and “high level” enlightenment that is difficult to comprehend as it comes with tens of thousands of meditation hours to reach that level of detachment.

And managing suffering while still practicing compassion – I get it conceptually but I am so far behind in the reality of practice, I must admit I was a little discouraged.

So instead, I am working on baby steps on enjoying and mindfully staying present with slivers of joy – the relief going going to the loo when you really need to pee… going into an air conditioned space after sweating like crazy from the sweltering heat.

The idea to enjoy this little moments “this feels nice” is training the brain into little habits of joy and and gratefulness. And above all, practising mindfulness and being present in the moment.

“We have a mind condition that makes us itch for two types of pleasure: pleasure of the senses and pleasure of the ego. When our senses are pleasantly stimulated, as when we eat something tasty, or our ego is pleasantly stimulated, as when we are praised for something we did, we feel joy, which is good.

What is even better is if we can feel joy independent of sense or ego pleasure. For example, when we are eating chocolate, we experience joy, and when we are just sitting there not eating chocolate, we still experience joy. In order to do this, we train the mind to access joy even when it is free from stimulation. This is also the secret of raising your happiness set point.” 

I probably have to revisit the book at another point in time with more meditation practice and more mindfulness practice.

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As much as I’d like to erase all of my digital footprint, my work unfortunately depends on it, and I dare say I’m pretty good at it.

Need tips on how to be a featured user on Instagram – this might be dated with the ever changing algorithm, but you might like to try it out.

I was working on trial and error strategies to better advise clients on running their social channels and continue to do so, to keep them up to date.

I am two minds about the advent of the internet, and I think the dilemma and dichotomy will always exist.

So here’s why I decided to deactivate my personal Facebook account recently. So, don’t panic I didn’t block everyone, I’m just not on Facebook on my personal account anymore!

It’s funny to even have to write this post to validate everyone’s feelings and my virtual friendships. Relationships were so much more meaningful pre-Facebook without all the self validation and glorification through perfect posts. ;)

1. Less Drama, More Meaningful Relationships

I was culling “friends” on Facebook as part of my exercise to live a leaner more meaningful life. If you didn’t know, Facebook actually makes recommendations for who to unfriend – people you never interact with but are on your FB and it’s in chronological order.

This whole “unfriend” business has a lot of political and social implications that come with a rageful childish madness that is incomprehensible and I have experienced one too many times.

I’ve had people delete me for no reason and I’ve also been blocked, but I didn’t bother to pursue the reason why because there are more important things in life to worry about.

Everyone is fighting their own battles, it’s not my place to be confrontational and create unnecessary drama. With real friends for life – Facebook or not, it doesn’t matter.

I am too, guilty of the childish hypocrisy of culling people in the first place, but in recent months, I’ve been focused on putting my sanity first.

I’ve had to deal with the lunacy of one too many dramas. I don’t know if it’s because I live in Macao that isn’t the real world and everything is amplified, magnified and then it’s a vicious merry-go-round.

I’ve made it a new goal to focus on more meaningful relationships offline and in touch via various means with all my friends on the other side of the world.

Facebook is a farce and a place for petty discontent to fester and breed in ways so passive aggressive it’s hard to comprehend.

     2. More time for hobbies and living in the moment

It’s amazing what deleting Facebook can do – it frees up so much time! Yes, I miss the animal videos, the interesting articles and those Tastemade and Meatmen cooking videos, but there are other means to get daily dose of inspiration.

     3. Getting out of the comfort zone

I don’t know about you, but as an introvert, I am always nervous getting into social networking situations. And I inevitably whip out my phone to look at Facebook and Instagram to keep busy and take away the nerves.

Without the additional mobile app of Facebook, I’ll be forced to go out there and make real contact with people in real life, getting out of my comfort zone, and being more real.

I’m still on instagram, I can’t get enough of great photos and beautiful calligraphy. You can follow what I’m up to here: @chickenscrawlings 

     4. Privacy and controls

With the ongoing updates and changes Facebook implements, I no longer know what content is mine anymore. Not to mention when people go stalking others online, your Facebook profile is something that they turn to first.

I rarely post anything personal, but my family is on there, lots of photos of my nephews that I’m tagged in. I am not comfortable with the idea of people snooping through my content without consent – no matter how tight your privacy settings, people still screen grab, they share photos you’ve been tagged in etc.

I know because many times I am on the receiving end of this and it’s terrible!

      5. Subconscious influences on newsfeed

There was a lot of recent hoo-ha about how Facebook manipulates the content that appears on your newsfeed and the dishonesty around it. And how it influenced the recent US elections.

The subconscious works in such a wonderful way, the more you’re fed certain opinions, the more it colours your objectivity. There’s a lot of fake news and bullshit out there so I think time out from Facebook and the newsfeed is helpful.

Having said all this, I still run my blog page Chicken Scrawlings, which still helps me to inform social media and content strategy for clients. It’s impossible for me to go completely off grid given the work I do. Feel free to follow along. :)

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As you can probably tell by now, I am a complete Wendy Holden fan, going through all her books from the library.

The characters are always brilliantly fleshed out with depth. There’s a great use of nomenclature – character names are thoughtfully developed and hilarious, with a plot that runs quickly and lightly, a great page turner in the genre of chick lit.

There’s usually a floozy over the top celebrity-wannabe-wanton female protagonist juxtaposed against a sane and dull one, but every book is vastly different and makes it interesting. And the relationships and depth of emotions and melodrama feels so real. It’s a real pleasure to read Holden. I highly recommend all her books!

The post Reading: Wendy Holden’s Beautiful People appeared first on Chicken Scrawlings : Food |Fun | Life .

So, I’ve been in a slightly awkward situation since I’ve been back in Singapore. I am starting to receive invitations for free meals via email and my social channels, and in return “to post on IG” or on the blog.

Blogging for many friends I know is a labour of love and it has lost its fun and excitement over the last decade since the majority of “bloggers” out there started giving it a bad name. Rather than serve as a platform of self expression and also providing helpful info, it’s become an avenue stream and a way of getting everything in life for free through sponsorships.

My mailbox is getting more love with super high resolution images and press releases – most of them not even relevant to the content of my blog – because, of course the PR people couldn’t be bothered to read what my blog is about, but blindly looking for “food bloggers” or whatever existing social media platforms to plaster their brand/restaurant’s photos so that they can file their PR clippings as a job done.

I am not opposed to taking up invitations, which I do on occasion  because it is a chance to try out what’s new in town and respecting the great PR folks out there who work really hard and clock late nights entertaining. I suppose what bothers me is there is a lot of dishonesty where many bloggers don’t make the disclaimer that it was an invitation or advertorial.

It’s a sad state of affairs with little objectivity and it’s quite frustrating when you’re spending your own hard earned money on new restaurants, only to realise they are terrible and everything you’ve read was biased.

If you remember the old days  before the advent of the internet, we were always quickly flipping past ads in magazines. Nobody spent time reading ads, but these days a lot of people spend time reading advertorials and buying into them.

I’m fascinated as to why our behaviour has changed with digital consumption of info and ads. I have made decisions based on blog recommendations and 8/10 times they couldn’t be further from the truth. I was disappointed spending time money and wasted calories on bad food.

Well, it isn’t hard to take a good instagram photo these days. The more photos you take and study, the easier it gets with the photo apps and filters. I see how brands are taking advantage of beautiful visuals in their proposition and sell.

I got lucky as a featured instagram user, my engagement isn’t even that great and I never lie about it. I was experimenting with strategies to advise clients on how best to run their channels – and viola it worked and I got featured. If you’re interested, here’s a post I wrote on how to get featured. That was a little while back, I am sure the algorithm has changed since.

I am curious to see how this unfolds in the near future, in our world of instant gratification. I hope we could go back to the halfway mark of before, where standards and integrity still count and pitching a story requires the work and effort.

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I’ve always believed that certain books have a time and place of coming into your lives. There are books I’ve read over a decade ago and really didn’t enjoy and then over 10 years later, pick it up and have a completely different perspective and enjoying the read.

I’ve had Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul on my read list for a while since it launched, but only just got my hands on it. And it’s one of those books that was perfect for the time in my life. I continue to work on meditation, mindfulness, loving kindness and compassion in my daily life.

“You realise and accept that life is not under your control. Life is continuously changing, and if you’re trying to control it, you’ll never be able to fully live it. Instead of living life, you’ll be afraid of life.”

Being a Type A kind of person, I like knowing what happens next, working on planning and strategy, but then life throws you all kinds of curveballs so the stress isn’t worth it. And every single time you leave it up to the universe, somehow things always work out.

I’d definitely recommend this book, so much wisdom. But like all books, there’s often a time and place in your life for it. And yup, I borrowed it from the library and went out to buy a copy because it’s one of those books you’d like to revisit.

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I’ve known Caroline since I was 18 way before she got into the home decor business. She just had immaculate taste in accessories, dressing up and then it extended to the home.

I went with her to sales and she threw lots of intimate gatherings to get rid of the overflow and supply of wares from table runners to pillow cases that she’d snapped up on holidays and bestowed to friends as gifts and then we turned into customers.

And here we are over a decade later, Arete Culture a full service interior styling service/shop with carefully curated collections of beautiful furnitures and items sourced from around the world. I’m loving the new outdoor furnitures capsule collection as well as the latest wall art and lamps!

If you’re looking to redo your apartment without breaking the bank – Caroline is your woman!

Arete Culture

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I’ve done a fair bit of soul searching, plenty of reading and working on self improvement. Thich Nhat Hanh is truly a peace guru.

This is a very easy and digestible read and reaching deep to find our own inner Buddha, practising loving kindness.

“Ending violence in yourself, your family, your community and the world.”

You know how they say charity begins at home, it’s the same with kindness – something I’ve had to learn the hard way that kindness begins with being kind to yourself. I’ve spent the last 35 years with a lot of self criticism and cruel self loathing. They say the inner child demons run about 7 generations deep and well, this book helped me to look beyond all that to start with self love and self kindness.

The book also serves as a guided meditation that I found helpful as it complements my Headspace meditation app. Thoughts and feelings are just visitors, they come and go.

“It is easy to tell how happy someone is by observing how compassionate she is toward others. Life is precious. Those who recognise this preciousness and offer peace and protection to other living beings find peace and protection available to themselves.”

“You are more than your emotions. It is important to remember this. During a crisis, remember to go immediately to your mindful breathing. Remind yourself that your painful emotions will pass. Maintain this awareness as you breathe, and keep your attention on your breath until the emotion passes. After you have succeeded in calming yourself a few times with belly breathing, you will have more confidence in yourself and in the practice.”

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I love how Google gives me the low-down on everything exciting and interesting that happened over the centuries on this date.

It’s been a hard couple of months and I haven’t felt ready to write about it as it still feels like I am living on a parallel universe trying to make sense of it all – it’s illuminating, alienating and lonely all at once, while I’m constantly evolving into this different new person.

More to come when I’ve found the right words and made more sense of things. It’s a little bit like trying to find my voice again like what blogging used to be for.

It’s a full 12 years Zodiac cycle and I feel like I’ve come somewhat full circle being back here in Singapore as I left 12 years ago with little intention of coming back for an extended period, but here I am back here confronting and unearthing all my childhood demons.

Checking all the boxes of older, wiser, mortality and morbidity. I’m not counting days and years anymore, instead practising mindfulness living in the moment. God knows what lies in the future, or even tomorrow for that matter.

So, I opened the door to this and my friends came over to surprise me for a birthday tea. Awesome day.

Will be updating with more cupcakes I am baking and styling later today with friends! x

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I have fallen behind reading and most things, but have finally got round to pulling myself together. This book is a great thriller. Trauma, crime and amnesia all rolled into one twisted plot.

Trauma does many things to people and their sense of self and identity: violence, war, rape, cancer and quite the book for me as I am just learning how it all works in this long drawn out psychological landmine.

The post Reading: Dear Amy appeared first on Chicken Scrawlings : Food |Fun | Life.

When I last caught up with Jen in Beijing a couple of years ago, she mentioned she was researching a book on noodles and was planning a trip across the silk road to investigate the history and story of noodles. I’m so glad I picked this up at the library and thoroughly enjoyed it. There are many chapters in the book that I could relate to having lived in Beijing at the same time (2007-2011) when Jen was there and have spent many evenings making dumplings and just dining at Black Sesame kitchen, even when Candice was running the show when Jen was away.

I read her first book nearly a decade ago “Serve the people: A stir fried journey through China” which I suppose was a different time and place in her life when she wrote her first book. I enjoyed both books equally given the time frame we lived in Beijing and evolved through the decade.

Several parts of the book talks about the role of “wife” and “women” as she journeyed across the Silk Road as a newly wed and I had exactly the same sentiments, apprehension about giving up life as I knew it, work and identity to become a trailing spouse. In fact, I had a very difficult time doing so in Macao. Unfortunately, it was also in addition to a toxic social environment where I inherited my husband’s friends’ wives – pretentious, negative and soul crushing “friendships” on a parallel universe I had no choice in. Never got why women would constantly put each other down in the most vicious way in the name of gossip and validating their own insecurities, instead of being supportive. So much unkindness.

The noodle search adventures begin in Beijing and takes us across land from the West of China to Turkey, Iran and finally Italy. Her husband Craig joined her on some legs of the journey. The book is also peppered with recipes – variations of ravioli/dumplings and all sorts of wheat noodle like things that varied in the different countries. On the Noodle road is a delicious read of food, self discovery and travel.

I’m so happy to read how Jen is raising her two children in Cuba where her husband is based.

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This sequel to Crazy Rich Asians had a plot that moved a little slowly and I had to take intermittent breaks to finish it, dragging my feet to the other cover. I’ve lived in Beijing for five years before the economic boom and can relate to the obscenely rich “tuhaos” although didn’t have the privilege of having them as personal friends. Ha!

I went to school with many of the old rich Singaporeans and Kwan even mentions my alma mater in this book, it is abit of a riddle exercise trying to figure out who’s who that isn’t hard to match on the social pages of Tatler magazine.

Now that I am done with China Rich Girlfriend, I’m curious about his latest book, the end of the triology “Rich people’s problems” that was just released this May.

Oh and as an aside, those Kim Choo Nonya rice dumplings from Joochiat are a great breakfast indulgence.

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I don’t remember when I stopped caring about social media and the meaningless numbers for likes and followers. I’m still blogging as I used to since 17 years ago?!

It took me a long time, but I finally found peace with work and no longer struggle with the social media façade. I have moved into more strategic work rather than focus on content – so many do it better. And I am letting go of my anxieties to do more and more.

I much rather enjoy the moment,  than worry about how to capture it perfectly to build social equity. I read with horror a friend’s Facebook status update on how people  who went to the Yayoi Kusama exhibit for the sole purpose of taking Instagram photos, none of them even spent a second LOOKING at the artwork itself. It was a snap and go relay for more social brag. Sigh.

Social Media is a double edged sword.

I was an early adopter of all the social channels being at the cusp of the turning point where beautiful websites made way for social platforms. It was fun figuring out how it worked, devising strategies etc, but it’s reached such a point of saturation and shallow narcissism, I find it difficult and meaningless to keep up with the next new app or filter.

I remember fondly the days of putting down ideas with pen and paper (I still do), and travel adventures included carrying the heavy Lonely Planet and Rough Guides everywhere and STILL manage to travel light!

I’ve taken a new direction with work – more mentoring, more writing and more strategic consult, less “social media”. Afterall, everyone is a specialist in social media these days. It’s the buzz word that sells courses, alongside hiring adverts everywhere.

Every other person I know is getting into “start up” life and starting a digital agency with little clue, while simultaneously perfecting their Instagram. No judgement here. Whatever floats their boat and makes them happy!

The over 20K followers I have were from being featured on Instagram over two years ago (it has been on a constant downslide from over 30K), I don’t see rationale in buying likes and fans, there is no qualifiable conversions, apart from placating your own ego. It’s just numbers!

Although, I do see how these benefits and conversions will work for fast fashion and cafes to a certain extent. But then the next Instagramable café comes along, so there is little longevity or loyalty to brands and products these days.

Businesses have all taken their content on social platforms, otherwise they get left behind. However, often times it lacks depth and strategy. With technology, it’s hard to take poor photos these days, especially when there are good filters, apps and settings for a good mise en scene – which most hipster cafés are designed for – Instagram photos.

Does that increase revenue? Everyone’s dream job seems to be an “influencer” or “digital specialist” these days. A lifetime of freebies and perfect photos don’t pay the bills?

A friend of mine was just complaining about her younger sister who recently quit her job after a year in the workforce and is working hard on becoming an influencer…to travel the world for free. The problem is she is still living off her parents, has no savings and can’t even pay her mobile phone bills. There is much celebrity envy of beautiful holidays and endless freebies, but I certainly don’t aspire to that sort of life.

Our other friend put it bluntly “I never thought their lives were glamourous. If you are a celebrity or actor in Singapore, it’s a miserable existence. You have to keep networking shamelessly on your own unpaid time to make sure you keep getting gigs. The ones who live fairly comfortably have retainer gigs with state own media, doing roles in propaganda films. All of them beg hard for sponsorships and endorsements to keep their day to day life going. Or weekend gigs doing public hosting for events. Time stolen from yourself and your family.”

I largely agree, but not entirely as I admire the tenacity and talent of many of our local theatre practitioners who are so true to their passion and craft and don’t compromise for a corporate job for a higher salary. Some of them come from privileged backgrounds and others rely on the generosity of a high earning spouse. Yet, I know of several successful artiste couples who make it work, taking so much pride in their work, and living a full life within their means.

On my sabbatical back in Singapore, I am mortified by the amount of freeloading and invitations that go on in the hospitality industry. It’s a two way street, PR professionals no longer qualify bloggers. So you get “foodies” who can’t tell prosecco from champagne or lobster from crab… I rest my case.

It is difficult as a writer in this day and age of the free economy. I have to admit that I am still struggling to make this a livelihood. It’s a tedious process managing expectations, and then going in circles that push you into unnecessary self justification.

I am grateful that I get to rely on other means like consulting and copywriting. (And a super supportive spouse) In addition to avoiding awkward situations, I get to keep my dignity, rather than feel bitter about not getting a free handout.

photo: Grey Malin

Oh well, that all comes with the advent of the internet. Social Media is really one big reality show with different channels. You can see people sharing videos of their birth, accidents and death, or cancer patients documenting in real time their full treatment process. It’s one big scary place where privacy has lost its place.

I suppose the “reality shows” now act in place of forums for people to connect and get support. Much as I struggle with the authenticity of social media, it still connects people in positive ways. (More than a handful of friends with happy Tinder marriages!) and of course the ability to share groundbreaking news in real time and speed up the process for emergency aid.

Therein lies the irony of me sharing an old photo of a sunset while thinking about enjoying it in the moment!

These days, I am actively trying not to be a hypocrite. When was the last time I actually just sat quietly, mindfully appreciating a sunset, without having to take a photo, to caption and label it?

I am offline more often these days as I no longer have the Facebook app on my phone and log in about once a week.

Also, I am constantly reminding myself to be in the moment, being fully present. 

The world is such a beautiful place and vivid memories live on, unlike perfectly polished Instagram photos you likely won’t remember on your death bed, because you were too busy perfecting the photos, rather than enjoying yourself.

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I wasn’t sure what to expect with the book and picked it up out of curiosity because of it’s interesting title. It’s a hilarious light hearted read where an editor of a publishing house (for food books no less) goes on a roadtrip with a Rinpoche orchestrated by his hippie new age sister, after their parents passed suddenly in an accident.

There are many lessons to learn in this book from mindfulness, to acknowledging the ego, going through resistance and acceptance of our world view and then finding deeper meaning in life. Breakfast with Buddha is a fun title for a book that covers much more.

It’s a fantastic and very easy read. I recommend it!

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Often times we lose track of life and the meaning of it because we’re so caught up with being busy. I also find that happiness is just a label for an emotion, but as humans we need to make sense of things all the time, to qualify situations and feelings and things.

I read this many times over and found it empowering. With the internet, there’s all this plagurism and bogus crediting quotes to Buddha, the Pope etc, the source of this is unclear, went viral as the Pope’s words, but apparently taken from a Portuguese poem “Palco de vida” (Stages of life), by renowned poet Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935).

I thought about how boring life would be without the drama and all the bad characters in the plot. There would be no plot! And because of the polarity of Happiness and Sadness, we get to experience either.

“You may have defects, be anxious and sometimes be irritated, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can prevent it from going into decadence. There are many that need you, admire you and love you.

I would like to remind you that being happy is not having a sky without storms, or roads without accidents, or work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.
Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, security at the stage of fear, love in disagreements.

Being happy is not only to treasure the smile, but that you also reflect on the sadness.

It is not just commemorating the event, but also learning lessons in failures.

It is not just having joy with the applause, but also having joy in anonymity.

Being happy is to recognize that it is worthwhile to live, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings and times of crises.

Being happy is not inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself.

It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul.

It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.

Being happy is not being afraid of one’s feelings. It is to know how to talk about ourselves. It is to bear with courage when hearing a “no”.

It is to have the security to receive criticism, even if it is unfair.

It is to kiss the children, pamper the parents, have poetic moments with friends, even if they have hurt us.

Being happy means allowing the free, happy and simple child inside each of us to live; having the maturity to say, “I was wrong”; having the audacity to say, “forgive me”.

It is to have sensitivity in expressing, “I need you”; to have the ability of saying, “I love you.”

So that your life becomes a garden full of opportunities for being happy…

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom.

And when you go wrong along the way, you start all over again. Thus you will be more passionate about life.

And you will find that happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, losses to refine patience, failures to carve serenity, pain to lapidate pleasure, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

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